A New Thought

I was thinking about my boyfriend, Joe, tonight and had some interesting revelations about his role and timing in my life. I met the man that I have no doubts about calling my future husband three years ago next week. He came into my life at a time where as a very overweight woman I had given up on love, marriage, and the whole family thing. He's brought those things back into my life. But, that isn't why I want to talk about him here today.

Three years ago Joe came into my life and five months later my Uncle John died. And he was there holding me and rocking me to sleep as I cried that night. With quiet understanding and concern he, a cancer survivor himself with a cancer surviving father, wrapped his arms around me and allowed me to feel like life went on.

A little under two years later my Uncle Tom was diagnosed with stage 4 Melanoma, he was given one month to live. Today he is still with us. However the last round of tests proved to be the end of the success of his treatments. He is forgoing anymore chemo and going home for hospice care.

Seven months after my Uncle Tom's diagnosis, and two months ago was my mothers diagnosis for which this blog was started. If I am to harp on words and hang on truth in doctors, on the average we are now reaching the half way point of my mothers life expectancy.

It's hard to imagine how you would be without a loved one in your life that you have and just can't see living without. But, I'm beginning to see some logic in the way some of my more religious relatives think.

Three years ago I had never once had to deal with anything truly hard in my life. I was an only child with loving parents who were and are still together for 30+ years. By definition I am and was lucky. I had no concept of something like cancer or death even entering into my immediate life bubble. But here it is now and just before that bubble got invaded by such a harsh thing, this man came into my life, carrying in his heart a survivor of hope. Hope that I would need and comfort and understanding. No one is a perfect being. However, not only do I believe that Joe is my match. I believe that he was brought into my life at that time because I was about to enter a time that was beyond difficult. A time that even as it happened I would continue to think that it was some cruel joke and these things don't happen to me, or my family.

He is not only my hope, comfort, and soft place to lay my head. But also my grounding in reality. He is the one that will be sure that I don't miss the opportunities that are there to cherish the time that is left simply because I don't want to acknowledge that it's happening. He's the one I needed and need to be in my life for these trying times.

And for weathering the storm that it is and the storm that it is in me I thank him for being my friend, lover, and love.