Tonight I sit here in a different place. I sit in a place that is familiar and not. The trailer is different the occupents are not. I am not 14 anymore. Though I wish desparatly for simplicity. I remember it. I remember it like it was not that long ago. And for me it wasn't. Not two months ago I knew what most of my life was doing. I knew where I was going in certain parts of my life. Not to say I had anything "figured out" concretly but I had felt like a certain part of my existance had setteld down, that it was done and that it was in place the way it should be. Now it is the deffinition of unsetteled. I watch people from past aspects of my life online and wonder how they've managed to make happy transition upon happy transition through their lives and come out in a place of setteledness. While I am in a job I don't love, living in a place I don't like, and in dire need of, not direction nessicarily, direction I have, but in dire need of a path or road to get me from point A to point B. I can't help but wonder in my position if I (pardon) F-ed it up somewhere. I if you knew me and asked me I could tell you exactly where. But we all make mistakes when we're teenagers. I can't say I'm so far from my teen years that I don't get it, I do and I don't have the type of seniority to pass judgement on anyone or anything. All I know is there was a choice that I made that if I could take it back things would be different. And I can't say that they would be better, though I imagine that it would have been. I know that many will mock the vague ness of my language and wonder what my situation is to have prompted such a thought. I can only comment to say that I'm not divulging the details of that to anyone but myself for the time being. I have learned the lession of having too many opinions. Those who need to know do and those who don't...well don't.
I'm tired I'm 25 years old and accomplished very little of what I wanted by 26. And most will say but you're only 25. Yes I know. I'm only 25 but I don't know what do do with 25 and no where. Th average age of americans who still live at home has risin and I fall into that bracket, and now I fall into that statistic. I am a girl who grew up wanting everything and was told I could get it. And then at the age of 17 I gave up on part of it. I decided that because of my weight I wasn't a person worth having a personal life, no one would date me, and I decided to move past it and become the most acomplished career woman I could be. I don't want to be that girl again I want my everything and I wish I could stop seeing it right in front of me with no way of grabbing it.
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